Erinleigh:
Way back, many, many years ago, when my alcoholism, binge drinking like you say you do, was starting to really kick in, I would wake up at 2:30 or 3:00 in the morning and it seemed like I was going nuts with anxiety. Just this feeling of impending terror, like I was really going to lose control of myself. I've never been so frightened. If I'd known what I know now, and if I had done what I eventually did, about thirty years or so later (yes it took me that long to figure things out) it would have saved me and my family no end of heartache.
This thing is more powerful than anything you've ever encountered. But you can do something about it. Get professional help from a counselor who knows about addiction and join some group where you can relate to other recoverying alcoholics. It doesn't have to be AA but it can be.There are other alternatives (look at "secular recovery" on this SR website). But get help. Some folks have dug themselves out of this hole alone but my impression is that the chances are far better if you get help. Recovery is possible. I know that. I see it all the time. But I also see folks who fail to get help. You can do this. Good luck.
W.