I will not stay sober if I am dishonest. It's that simple to me. I have told my deepest darkest secrets in my 5th step and I am still loved. I have nothing left to hide and no reason to be dishonest.
If I were you, I would print your post and then go in and read it to your therapist:
Originally Posted by
backbeat 
So I had 20 days sober and had a slip. I got right back on the wagon and now have 14 days sober.
My therapist thinks I have 34 days sober. I've had many, many false starts before, and really couldn't face telling her I missed yet another session because I slipped yet again. She was considering telling me she couldn't see me anymore because of it already... I was too afraid to tell her I did it again, and just made up some excuse and have been sober since.
I've been to therapy 2x since then and I sit there knowing I'm not telling her the truth and she sits there and looks at me funny wondering why I'm suddenly not really enthused about 34 days sober. It's really bothering me.
I'm thinking that once I've been a good girl for a while longer, and she can see for herself that I mean it this time, then I'll tell her, because I won't fear her telling me to find another shrink.
I just needed to get this off my chest. I'm just a terrible liar, I am totally obvious if I try to do it in person and even on the internet I can't pull it off because I've been avoiding this board over it. I'm so neurotic LOL.
I'm sure there are plenty of people who wouldn't give this a thought. I've been telling myself that it has been 34 days since I started my sober journey, and a slip doesn't consist of leaving my recovery, it was part of it because it reinforced it (and it did, that's for sure).