((mfox)) - as both a recovering crack addict and recovering codependent, you've done the best thing for you! There's no logic or thought to what a crack addict does EXCEPT "get more crack".
I left my XABF#3 (slow learner) because I wanted recovery, he wanted to keep using. Even though I know the addiction inside and out, he wanted to keep doing what he'd been doing for more than 20 years. I, too, was sad and scared for him but I had to give him the dignity to live his life as he wanted, just as my loved ones did me. I found recovery after hitting bottom, he died a few years later and that was his bottom.
Did it hurt? Oh yeah, but I'd been a part of this forum long enough that I know I couldn't have stopped his descent. Not all A's die - his body just gave out after decades of abuse.
Regardless of what the A does, we can still live our lives and even enjoy it! Sounds like a GREAT trip you have planned for your birthday
Hugs and prayers,
Amy