Temptations
Today started great. I slept very well last night and woke up ready for the day. My schedule was clear except for some volunteer work at my daughters' school. So I put on my best "casual suburban dad" clothes and headed out the door.
I was amazed that I had actually volunteered to work with the librarian at the school's book fair. This is something that I would have never done when I was drinking or using. It felt so uplifting to be working with kids while sober. For the first time in my life I felt like an actual "role model".
The day seemed to fly by, and after helping several classes browse the book fair, my day at the school was over....two hours earlier than expected. Realizing I had a couple hours before I needed to be home I headed to my bank to take care of some business. This is when the day took a turn I wasn't expecting.
All the way there I was giving myself a mental pep talk for having volunteered and was feeling great about how far I have come. Today marks 23 days sober. I couldn't have been feeling better.
At the bank everything went great, and I actually learned I was doing a little better financially then I had thought. Could this day get any better? Well.......
Isn't funny how alcohol works on the mind. So many times I drank because my days had turned to crap. It always seemed to be my remedy for anything the least bit stressful. There were no better excuses than just having a bad day. But there I sat in my car outside of the bank, and all I could think about was having a drink. 23 days of feeling great and I was wanting to give that up after having a WONDERFUL day.
I sat there paralyzed. How was I going to drive past all my usual drinking spots, with extra money and free time that no one knew I had. I even had the thought that I deserved it for all the good things I had accomplished. Addiction truly is a manipulative mistress.
But as I sat there I thought of SR. I recalled all of the stories I have read and realized others have been exactly where I was. Some did get the drink and some didn't. All of those who didn't felt great for refraining while all of those that did felt only remorse and guilt. That thought empowered me.
So I started the car and drove past all of the temptations and made it home unscathed. Later my wife and I took the girls to pick out halloween costumes, and all I could think of was how different the evening would have been if I had stopped for that drink. I would have polished off a few there, stopped and got six for the road, made an excuse to not go shopping with the girls, and would have ran back out to get more booze. By now I would be passed out upstairs after telling everyone I was exhausted from 'all my stress'.
Instead, I'm sitting here typing this, feeling good about myself once again without the fear of a hangover tomorrow. I had a great evening out shopping, helped the kids with their homework, and will be going to bed later with no regrets or shame. Oh, and the librarian called and asked if I could help out next week too since I did so well with the kids today. Life truly is better when you are sober.
Thank you all. The support given here is saving my life.....one day at a time.