I was always the faithful gf that usually got messed over by the person I was dating. Then I'd take them back and let them do it over again...sometimes a 3rd time. Always swore that I'd never do that to anyone because I knew how devistating it felt, how much it hurt and how long it took to recover from that. That was my entire life of relationships until 3 years ago.
I started dating someone who is a very loving and awesome partner. He is a faithful partner - something that's hard to come by these days. We lived 75 miles apart so we saw each other usually twice a week & this went on for a year and a half. I had cut off a lot of people in my life by this point that were not good for me so when I wasn't with him, I was left with idle hands at home or with the few friends that partied and drank all the time. They say idle hands are the devil's playground or something like that. I got bored...bored with the same situation over and over every week and started my crazy going out and drinking on a nightly basis to kill time.
I think the drinking got between him and I, but the time is fuzzy in my memory. It could have been me just ignorning him because of our 75 mile distance between us and in my mind I convinced myself that we would be nothing more than what we already were. I was getting attention from local guys I knew, and the few friends I was hanging around were not faithful to their bfs.
Under the influence, I decided it would be a good idea to do what I wouldn't wish upon anyone else and mess around with someone else. My drunk mind told me I wouldn't get caught and no one would know and then I could go back to my life with the bf. My drunk mind was wrong. I was caught and I lost an important person in my life because of becoming the type of person I NEVER wanted to be.
While still in an intoxicated state for 3 weeks following, as much as I wanted to blame him for what I did, I knew deep down I couldn't. I knew that the person I was turning into was not the person I was supposed to be. On New Years Eve that year I decided that the drinking had to stop and I bravely contacted him to have a sober, rational conversation. I quit drinking on 1/1/11 and lucky to have a loving compassionate person by my side now after what happened. Yes, I lucked out with him forgiving me, but trying to get sober and prove to someone that they can trust you all at one time was really hard.
I don't normally regret doing things in my life. I don't even regret all the drinking I did because I learned from it. This is the one thing I regret doing. I was drinking heavily when it happened and I can never take it back. I can't ever say I'm not one of "those girls" anymore.
Then again, had I not done that, I may still be in the drunken predicament I was in 2 years ago. So we learn from everything and make changes as we move forward.