I want to add that my ex did not find a recovery program and so we did not pursue marriage counseling. I divorced him. A year later he checked into another rehab. He spent most of two years in basically an inpatient treatment program for first alcoholism and then dealing with generalized anxiety.
All that angst about leaving. He's apparently sober now. The children are still little. I'm pretty sure I could call up and say come live with me and he would. There is no more angst, ringing of hands, analyzing. The answer is no and the reasoning is one step. I don't want to.
I feel almost as much panic at the thought of getting back together as I once did about getting away.