Anxious About Vacation: Stay or Go?
I am supposed to go on a vacation this weekend with my family. This was planned months ago -- all the women in my family are meeting in a big city to get together for what will probably be the last time before my parents' generation is too old to travel. I was really looking forward to this. My aunt for example. With her health, this will probably be the last time I see her.
Prior to this, my AH was about to celebrate a year recovery, and he was going to stay home to watch the kids. No problem. But then he relapsed.
He is able to get long chunks of time under his belt and then disappears for a weekend to binge, then comes back "dedicated" to AA and recovery until he's not. He's currently staying with his parents at their house across town.
I had written off the possibility of going on this trip. Cancelled the PTO for work and told my family to cancel my reservations. Long story short, nobody cancelled anything. These plane tickets are still here, I still have a bed in Big City, and now my family is really bugging me to come. I'm having a weak moment today where I feel so drained and just want a break from the madness. I haven't been out of town on any kind of real vacation for 5 years, and before that... not really ever. This is a once in a lifetime thing.
The catch is that someone has to watch the baby. My son is staying somewhere else for the weekend for unrelated plans. But the only people who could watch the baby are my in-laws. Where my AH is staying. He's supposedly not drinking, and he's still working, and he's trying to get back on track after this last relapse. My in-laws told me that if he drinks, he's out. But I really don't want to leave the baby there with them, knowing how difficult it has been for them to say no to my AH in general. I had a conversation with them about this last weekend, and they assured me that if it came down to it, they'd make him leave and that her safety comes first.
I don't know what to think. I'm getting it from all sides. I want to take this vacation, but I want my baby to be safe more than that.
Even worse, I have about 48 hours to make up my mind. Any thoughts to consider? Advice?