Thank you so much... everyone. This morning he is back to himself. I woke in a panic as usual. don't think I have had a normal pulse over the last 24hrs. I need to get out of the situation... You're right. It's hard right now my back is hurting so bad I doubt I can even drive to get away. Parents are overseas for 5 months.... Like I said its close and he would check there for me anyways like he did last year when it was the worst. I mentioned my back because I hurt it bending down and its been 3 days and i can't walk sit or stand comfortably. The house is a mess he never helped clean or do dishes so I do a few at a time theni lay down. forget about laundry I cannot bend.
I can get my old job back... They are still good friends to me. that is my next step but they are not in today where I could go visit. It's across from my parents house... small business. He would know I'm there too.
I need the anxiety to stop.. Its killing me. The racing heart.... I have social anxiety... I'm a mess. It's kind of from the last relationship which still haunts me. Can't wait to see a therapist but no job now... Not much in savings.... Sorry hard to type on cell. Try from pc later... But when he hears me type he always asks who I'm writing...