(((Hugs)))) I know that pain that I hear in your post but there is a lot of power there too!! It is a difficult realization but when you start working on supporting yourself moments of peace will come.
Maybe it is a bit soon to ask but have you some ideas on how you are going to support the healing you need?
There will be many ideas and suggestions forthcoming from others but when I was in your place I spent a couple of days in my PJs away from everyone in a deep sadness but also a determination to decide what I needed to do for me. Then.....I reached out and activated my support base!!! That base has changed over time but one thing I know for sure......I never would have made it on my own.
Hold on tight to yourself and to all of us here. You are walking in good company.