Hi,
I don't have a lot to add to what everyone has said above -- I did read somewhere that when men get depressed they are more prone to drinking and aggressive behavior whereas women are more likely to cry, talk to a friend, whatever.
I did go through some very rough times with my axbf, he never hit me but became very angry a lot, called me names, a few times he would throw things around, curse, scream at me. He also drank excessively and would smoke even though he knew I hated it and he had promised to quit.
Your husband has a problem and he needs to get some help. You need to take care of yourself and I would second the thought to go to al-anon. I would consider moving out of the house if I were you.
It's true that words will not make much of a difference, I tried that too. Begging, crying, getting mad, blaming. Sometimes he would quit for a bit but then just go back to his old habits. It's maddening but you can't make him do anything. Sometimes I wonder if they do it all out of spite.