Welcome to the SR family!
I am glad you found us, but sorry for the reason that brought you here. You have found a wonderful resource of support and information. You are not alone.
When I first arrived, I learned about the 3 C's of my husband's alcoholism:
I did not Cause it
I could not Control it
I would not Cure it.
It took me a while to wrap my head around that concept. I was sure that my behavior/or the kids was driving him to drink, or the stress from his job. Nope. It was not us.
I was sure that if I said or did things better, more often or more clearly ~ he would finally see the light and change. Nope. My words never changed him.
I was also hoping that he would change. I was hoping that this time it would be better ~ that he would live up to his promises to change. Nope. They were empty words that did not match his actions.
I learned that the only person I had the power to change was myself. I had to change my reactions to his actions. I needed to learn how to respond instead of react.
I learned new techniques through this website, alanon meetings and self-improvement books.
We are here to offer you help and support. Keep reaching out for help, we care.