"And he said he really didn't care whether or when he got the money, that he wasn't expecting to be alive at 60 and in fact, hoped he wouldn't be. (Sad, isn't it?)"
NoGround, this breaks my heart. I am so sorry. I can not imagine the pain that you must feel. As a parent of an addict, I have spent many sleepless nights, but through it all knew my daughter still planned for her future. Her continued interest in her own future kept me hopeful. The thought of her not having that optimism, makes my heart drop.
I hope you save your money for your own retirement and focus on enjoying yourself during those years. You deserve a nice trip away from all of this.