I'm really sorry Fallow. The loss of a friend is painful. Problems in a marriage are painful.
For a long time I didn't know how to deal with pain like that either...so my only solution was to drink.
Its a weird reaction - faced with destruction...we further self destruct....faced with loss, we want to further lose a little of our self.
Our addiction is so twisted, so disgusting it'll take something as intimate and as painful as tragedy and loss...just so it can get its fix.
You deserve better- and I'm glad you're thinking about it, Fallow.
You're stronger than you know - and you're part of our crew...you're surrounded by people...you are not alone
There's some mighty advice here - I'm glad you came here and I'm glad you listened.
D