I'm really sorry you've had such a horrible time Fallow. I lost an old friend recently to suicide too. It's difficult information to process that's for sure... but I knew drinking wasn't going to help because I knew that if anything was going to bring me one step closer to that path myself...
I didn't ask in this case but I don't know of any suicides that haven't involved drugs or alcohol in some way or another. I wonder if really they are the root cause of a lot of them.
I'm sorry that you feel alone too, but I agree with others here that we do that to ourselves. I know I do. Our addiction wants us isolated and has had years of practice so that it is perfectly capable of isolating us in a room full of people who care! I'm not sure it is capable of doing that in a forum full of alcoholics who want you sober though. I'm glad you posted
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