thank you so much for replying.
He does not currently see a therapist, but he has seen 2 different therapists off and on throughout our marriage. He didn't disclose that he was drinking to them and the therapy sessions were often about how I was not a good wife. He has a lot of resentment toward me. This is hard for me to hear from him because he minimizes the effect his drinking has had on our relationship and takes little (no?) responsibility for our problems.
3-4 nights a week, he sleeps from the moment he gets home until we are all in bed. Then he gets up and eats and goes back to bed. Some nights he is awake but even then, it is like walking on eggshells with what offends him. This is hard for the kids because they have detached and he wants affection. He yells when upset and overreacts and then is mad when our kids don't want to kiss him good night because he has yelled at them.
I'm sure part of his sleeping is exhaustion because he has a long commute and difficult job. His sleeping is just so strange - it's very much like passing out.
It is very hard for me to be affectionate to him when he seems so disconnected, both physically with the sleeping but also mentally. Last night, we went to parent teacher meetings and he repeatedly asked each of our son's teachers if our son was mean and let the teachers know that if so, my AH would take care of the situation. He seemed to be totally unaware that we were at the meetings because our son, who is a polite and sweet kid, is struggling in school. If I mention that a child is struggling, he gets angry that I'm playing the "drinking card."
Would I be better off with Al-anon or individual counseling?