Originally Posted by
PaperDolls 
I haven't seen this thread you mentioned but what you're saying here isn't 100% true. While it is true that many marriages don't make it through something like this, many do. Please don't say as an absolute that marital counseling is not effective .... Please share your experience.
BTW, 2 months sober is not active alcoholism.
Have you tried to get marital counseling during active alcoholism before spouse went to rehab? Different therapists? During rehab? Within the first 90 days? Have you talked to experts in addiction counseling and assessment about the general efficacy of MC (or whether it's actually contraindicated) in early recovery, when the alcoholic's sobriety is the number one priority, or in active ADDICTION (not alcohol abuse, adaptation or experimentation). Who would the "normie" be doing MC with, to solve problems originating at what stage, and based on what "reality" given the alcoholic's blackouts, memory loss, self-deceipt, lying, and projected or transferred blame (which the alcoholic won't tease out altogether - if at all - until a searching and fearless inventory or the like deep into recovery): the person the "normie" fell in love with, the chemically using/abusing person, the person with active addiction, the "dry drunk," or the "RA" (after a year or more of sobriety)? Which problems are purely relational, which are purely alcohol related and which are intertwined? Please share your experience (or any expertise you have obtained) if you wish. I have.
Of course, every general statement or rule has exceptions. One of the guys I sponsor is in marital counseling and making a
little progress, but the couple was told that MC may well not work during early recovery. No Need to stop if it's working I said. Both are clear that each one's recovery (AA/Al-Anon) is THE priority though. If there's any conflict, recovery trumps MC. Hope that exception makes it clear that it's not 100%, thus proving your point.
You said "many" marriages do. First, you said nothing at all about whether they did or did not do MC. And MC is the issue at hand. Second, what does "many" mean? Of course, we know that there are marriages that continue on with or without sobriety, and this site is full of those experiences. But that says nothing about whether MC was involved or was effective during active ADDICTION, or early recovery.
And it's obvious I wasn't saying that 2 months sober is active alcoholism. 2 months sober is early recovery, that's all, and every day of sobriety is a blessing!
