Sidney,
My husband commited suicide when my kids were babys and I was very young. It was also an abusive relationship. Time helped a lot. Learning to cope without being afraid was helpful. Learning to talk myself out of panic attacks.
I think part of our problem is intrusive thoughts that cause depression and stress. Mine are better since I started the prozac. I really try to remember happy things and put effort into replacing those horror thoughts with happy memories now. It's hard. I worry enough for 1000 people. I'm trying to replace those thoughts too. I try to redirect myself and not sit and dwell on the thoughts that come so naturally for me. Little by little I'm doing better.
I feel as bad as it gets right now and it isn't close to how bad I used to feel. It does get better.
Hugs,
MG