I had a bath
I had a bath today. The first one since my Dad died exactly 4 months ago. I used to love bubble baths, but lately have been unable to allow myself to enjoy anything. It took me days of building up to this bath.
Questions about, when I was going to clean the bathroom (that looked a bit like Miss Havisham’s living room), when I was going to have it?, if I was going to exfoliate?, shave hairy legs or not? (luckily they are blond), which shaver? which bubble bath?, which towel?, would I take my usual glass of water as I always get so thirsty?, candles?, a book?, a glass of wine?X!.
I stood looking at the bubbles sparkling, listening to them crackling, popping for what seemed an age, plucking up the courage to get in....to immerse myself totally in the splashing sensous warmth that I love. It took me at least 3 hours from start to finish to put my first big toe in the water. It was pure bliss.
I am not sure how this happened or why today, I think it has a lot to do with what I read on SR so thank you to every single one of you that post here. I feel that I am on my way back to being me again. I am also pleased to announce that I lost at least a pound in pummeling and scrubbing and all those nail clippings! (I must sound totally irresistible by now:>)
Don’t get me wrong, I have had a wash these past 4 months, but it was more of a cat wash. (I blame Marie) Thank you to all who are posting and all those who are just reading. I was afraid of joining SR in the beginning as I find it very hard to reach out into the unknown. I was afraid that I may come across as a bit crazy/weird but if truth be known, we are all very different yet so similar and I have learnt that on SR.
My brother is doing well so far, sober for 2 whole months now. After 2 failed marriages, losing endless jobs, multiple DUI’s, living on the streets, severe liver failure, he came home and got help. He now has a job for the first time in ages. My close family don’t know how bad I have been as they think I am the strong one. So to anyone reading right now, don’t be scared about sounding weird, opening up, saying exactly how you feel, because it will help you in the end.
What I found so hard is that I prefer to help than be helped so don't like to complain and want to say sorry all the time for doing so :> I like to listen quietly and smile and touch someone’s shoulder with understanding. But online, we can’t do that. This is the nearest you could possibly get to alternative recovery in a safe, friendly, diverse community. Thanks everyone.