Originally Posted by
MrThekla 
The prior comments about the spouse recognizing the problem and wanting to change cannot be understated. YOU can't force the realization on you spouse. They have recognize it for themselves.
I don't want to come across as busting the original-poster's chops, which I have a tendency to do (as you guys know)... And the silver lining is that there is a
lot you can do to make things better at home, even if the spouse doesn't do a thing (or even admit there's a problem).
I get my 17-year medallion (self-purchased) on Monday, as a reminder of when I started going to Al-Anon. My wife doesn't get her 17-year until next May. That's because I started going to meetings back when she was still drinking vodka like it was on special at Costco. She was very ill and getting worse by the day -- and we fought constantly, before I started in the program. But gradually -- and it didn't take long -- I learned some tools to deflect the anger, not get baited into fighting, and generally figure out how to deal with an active alcoholic, to the point where after a few months, we weren't fighting much at all anymore -- except occasionally about "that cult you go to, where you talk about me!" Not long after that, she had an acute bout with her illness (almost died), then went to treatment; that was at the end of May, '96.
So the flip side of this is that even if our worse half doesn't do anything to address his/her problems, there's a lot we can do by ourselves. And it does work!
T