Sidney,
You aren't weak. You are very strong. I remember the time when all I could see was the vision of my husband being dead. I thought it would never go away, but it did. There are things that still bother me that I see on TV, but I just simply turn my head and don't look now.
You have so much stress right now I can understand that you feel the need for wine. The thing that does concern me is that it might get progressively worse. I think there are things you can do to learn to cope differently. I'm not very good at it myself, but I should be doing more too.
Relaxation, excercise and changing our reactions are the key to coping with PTSD along with medication when necessary.
I think we really need to schedule some time for this. Even stretching to start with would help.
I'm afraid the wine that you are drinking now will stop working for you and you will find yourself needing more and more. I'm not an expert on alcohol, but I've seen it happen to my son where now is life is unmanagable.
Try some alternatives and see if it helps. Also sharing like you are now can help with some of that pain. My children were also abused by a man I rented a room to. I know the pain of that too. Please know that you are a wonderful person with a lot of stress in your life right now.
Keep sharing. You're not alone.
Hugs,
MG