my recovery
Thanks for the replies... and honesty. I have been on subs for 6 months or so, nothing else since I started but I know some view it differently by thinking they are clean while using subs or methadone just because they are not using "other drugs" and thats cool, to each their own and everyone is different. However for me I do not think I am clean... I am not really doing much for my recovery right now, definitely not putting it first. I read from my NA and AA books, and the daily meditations but thats basically it. In the area that I live to be honest I don't like the meetings. There are not many close enough and the 1 that is believe it or not there were a few people selling pills in the parking lot to each other. I don't know if maybe they were court ordered and didn't really wanna be there, IDK... not a meeting for me. I need to look and maybe find the time to drive to a further away one. Im about the lowest i've ever been I take 2 steps forward and 10 back. As for the pain clinic.. what I'm scared of is ever taking another pain pill again. Even though my husband will have them and give me my daily doses it has and will lead to cravings for more. Not strong enough for that delima. Not yet. I also am afraid they will turn me away becuase of the subs and not with a script on top of that. Pain and Addiction together suck! I did make small steps yesterday and today. I had my daily sub with me and held it all day until I got off work. Usually I'd end up taking it on way to work! I have been just leaving them with hubby to give me and I tried this and did it 2 days. Just gotta get in a sub clinic .. pain clinic... or just off it all. Trying to do some soul searching.