It's common stuff for people to confuse trying to change or control other people with establishing a boundary to protect themselves and, where applicable, minor children.
A boundary seeks to change the behavior of the boundary setter, not other people.
A boundary does not depend on other people to respect it.
" You will/ will not..., or else..." is an attempt to control another person. Attempts to control other people lead to mutual resentments and do not work.
" I will/will not..." is a boundary. For example :
"I will not be a part of a relationship with someone in active addiction/alcoholism or new to recovery" is a boundary. Our boundary compels us to remove ourself from the situation when encountering someone in active addiction/alcoholism or new to recovery. The alcoholic/addict is free to live their life as they see fit to do, just elsewhere.
Tough love means being tough with ourselves and protecting ourselves and minor children from the chaos of addiction and alcoholism.