As usual, I hope this comes out right, and my worst fear is that it will somehow offend.
Emily- I sense a lot of clarity from you in reading your most recent post. Although you always have great insight and caring advice for all of us May-mates, I feel like you sometimes shy away or trail off when describing your own struggles with "We all know the ending of this"-type statements. I think it may have to do with your style/talent/experience with writing. But you just really opened up about your concerns about your relationship and move... I feel like you really stayed in the moment of feeling/thinking these things and just put it all out there. So even if you feel like you are having a harder time right now, I feel like you sound better, and I wonder if it has to do with being off alcohol and codeine at the same time for so long. Sometimes I think our drug of choice floats us through life without making tough decisions/changes, so once we're away from it for awhile, we're more aware of the possible need for tough decisions/changes. At any rate, I wanted to tell you that I noticed a difference in your post today and I think it is a good thing, and I think you can only make the right tough decisions with sobriety and time. So even though you miss the codeine, it's important you stay away from it so you can gain more clarity and direct your life. You also said the AV wants you dead, which is right. So would you ever do something that a person who wanted you dead told you to? Don't let the AV who wants you dead make you do anything. Hugs.