What do I do??
My axbf sent me an email a few days ago. After not contacting me for three weeks. I recently went through a significantly life changing event, of which he was 50% responsible for. I begged and begged him to be there for me. He could not take it and he ran. I made it through alone and then with the help of friends and family. I had not heard from him since early September....
I changed my number.
Fast forward to Friday when I received an email from him. He claims to have been held in a mental ward, the day I needed him there the most. To be on sedatives now. Saying he has come to my apartment and tried calling.
In true A fashion it was all about his past few weeks. How tired he is because of the meds and that a "call would be nice" (!??).
The story seems viable.I know what happened between us would be a lot to handle on a sober day. Much less under the influence. His routine is to abandon me, run to the booze or drugs or the enabling axgf. Then in weeks, contact me with this change of heart, begging for forgiveness.
There is no hope for that now. I know. I fear if I don't respond he will continue to try and show up here. But if I do, it is engaging him and giving him an opening to start the cycle of manipulation and begging. All the Al Anon meetings and counselling feels like a mish mash of rules and boundaries...I cant think straight.
I feel awful if its true and I know he has NO ONE around him who is sober or supportive. Then I know, it cant be me anymore. I dont want to respond in anger and I know berating him would be "punishing him for his disease".
But I do not know how to handle this with compassion and detachment.
I am at a loss.