Originally Posted by
Gavinandnikki 
I do not feel that I can go this year. I think I would drink - OMG - I can't believe I just typed that. What does that mean? Does that mean my Big Plan is for $hit? How can that be? Very scary to me.
That's one way to look at it, but if you recognize the causal pathway that your AV is creating, there is another. Your Beast would like you to believe that your Big Plan is meaningless, so it is setting up a situation where it can squeeze you, like a pincer, from both sides, and where you lose either way.
Your Beast is the one who is actually afraid to go to the Renaissance Faire, because it knows that your Big Plan is
not for $hit, and that it
probably won't get to drink. IT would have a terrible time watching all those other people drink while it sat on the sidelines. By convincing you that its fear is your fear, however, it sets up a win-win situation.
If you do go to the Fair, thinking that you are afraid to drink, and actually do drink, then your Beast succeeds in convincing you that it is very, very powerful, and that you are powerless before it. It's already setting up that scenario by making you think you will drink if you go. If you don't go to the Faire, which you apparently enjoy, thinking that its fear is your fear, then it also succeeds in convincing you that your Big Plan is meaningless, and that you are, again, powerless before your Beast.
Your AV will inevitably use this "proof" that you are incompetent to abstain in the presence of alcohol, or in the presence of other drinkers, to keep you running scared for a long time coming. You can be practically certain that it will then use this "proof" against you at a later time, perhaps when you find yourself unable to run away from alcohol. It is playing both the short game and the long game here.
The only way out of this quagmire, in my mind, is to do what we do with AVRT, and simply recognize what your Beast is up to. Once you recognize that your Beast is trying to portray its own fear of abstinence as your fear of drinking in order to create a convoluted pathway to the next drink, then you have only a couple of questions to consider to decide what to do next.
- Do you have a good reason other than drinking to be at the Faire?
- Do you have any reason other than your Beast not to go?
- If you go to the Faire, will you be going to "test" yourself, or to enjoy yourself sans-alcohol?
None of this should be construed as advice on whether to actually go or not, but since you were afraid and wondering what this means, I think it simply means that you weren't seeing the thread that your Beast is weaving. Recognition changes things, though. See how you feel now.