Originally Posted by
Lara 
Dear MrsDragon... I know it is all so common cocaine addiction (H is a cocaine addict) - but every time I read about someone 'else's story it fills me with sadness. You never grow 'numb' to reading the stories - I suppose that is what makes us human (some of us)!
I do believe that if grief has played a role in the addicts life - that is is essential the grief is dealt with. Many people believe if we bring in the discussion of grief as a possible cause for the addiction - that we are simply making excuses for the addict - but I don't believe this is true. I know my dad's alcoholism was as a result of undealt with grief and massive post traumatic stress syndrome (he had been in the police force).
I know how the loss of my dad and brother (in just 18 months of each other) crippled me with grief. What made it even harder is that I always had a strong faith. Even the night my brother was killed - I absolutely KNEW (still do) that he was safe - that he and his beautiful girlfriend (they were both killed) were rescued by the Angels and everyone who had passed before (like my dad) would have been there - I really do believe this. So my spiritual being understood and was at peace. But my 'human being ' my 'intellectual mind' could not grasp the horror of the accident - or the horror of seeing my beautiful 6"5 tall brother, a triathlete - beautiful 'boy' with curly brown hair - dead! And all these years (he was killed in 2003) I still battle with that image.... and I know how I have escaped from the pain. Never drugs, but partying hard... drinking at times too much (binges)...
So anyone with a tendency towards addiction ( I really believe we are born with the makeup for addiction - or not) doesn't really stand a chance.
So if your son gets serious grief counselling - I do believe it will give him that extra chance of full recovery. I really do!
I pray for you and your son and his journey of recovery. Lara
Lara,
Thank you. I am praying for you as you walk your path also. And will pray for your H also; that he will stop this run before it destroys him.
Such loss (your dad & brother) in such a short period of time; Im so sorry. I have read in some of your posts how you talk about the closeness you have with your sister; I hope that the two of you were able to lean on each other for support. Having a strong support system where you are able to freely express your grief I think is really invaluable in helping you move through the stages of grief. That is something that my son lacked. Obviously he had his family; but the one person (his now ex wife) that he was probably the most emotionally close to was unavailable to him emotionally due to her own methods of dealing with grief.
Yes, Im sure your right, a lot of people would say that we are making excuses; backtracking to the source and emotional pain (in this case grief) that was never dealt with. But in my opinion a lot of people cant see the forest through the trees, and they think if the person just stops their use of substances, then everything else will just fall into place. But I don’t think it will unless they also get the proper assistance in dealing with the original pain. Just differences in opinion I suppose.
I am not entirely convinced of the role genetics play; I think lots of times when you see addiction running in families, it is mostly due to learnt behaviors within the family structure, or other environmental similarities that are shared between family. With our son, I don’t think it is genetic because there is no one on either side of the family that has substance abuse problems. It is more like when you said, that you dealt with some of your grief through partying too much, and sometimes drinking to much for an escape. That is how he started; drinking too much upon occasion which somehow led him to be introduced to the cocaine. And he admits he just likes the way it makes him feel, and also he has admitted basically that is provides an emotional escape because he is not ready to deal with the grief and loss.
I can only hope he stays safe, and he is ready to deal with it all soon. The longer it goes on, the more damage he inflicts upon his own psyche.