Lilamy,
I somehow missed your post earlier.
Indeed I have moments when I feel that compassion from the outside. But I think that panicky feeling comes through more. It's been difficult to proceess the worry and the guilt. But I think I am processing it with the help of wonderful people like you and others here on SR who have really educated me and helped me through this.
I am terriby anxious about this next visit. I very much trust the person who is supervising. I can take some comfort in that.
Hugs,
MamaKit