Originally Posted by
tangerinepuddle 
I don't have any questions just yet but this - when/how did you all avoid the urge to snoop (checking texts, etc.) after your eyes were opened? And how to have loving distance....how can I distance myself without affecting the rest of our wonderful (when she is not in active addiction) relationship?
I know some say I should run now, but I'm not at that point yet. I'm not going to walk away. I know everyone's breaking point is different, and I haven't reached mine yet.
My sister and cousin are heroin addicts, so it's slightly different for me because I'm not romantically involved, nor do I live with them, but for me this behavior is usually an indicator that I've lost focus on my own recovery.
When I'm focusing on me, staying strong and focused on my recovery, working my own therapy exercises, and maintaining my boundaries, the desire to constantly check the "Who's in custody?" page, sift through any new Facebook contacts, read through text messages, etc. lessens *significantly*. I call it my "cruising altitude" - those days where things are just clicking, I feel the serenity of detachment, I'm clear and driven. Naturally, there are other days where there's a whole lot of turbulence. It comes with the territory I guess.
Anyway, I guess my point is that by focusing on yourself and your own recovery, the answers about how to handle her addiction start to fall into place. They don't become easy, but the direction seems clear. There aren't really any steps you can take external to your own recovery that will magically make everything feel good, because the idea that "everything is great except for the drug use" is deceptive in its own right.
I know how painful it is to love someone in the throes of addiction, we all do. Keep posting, it helps!
