I wonder if staying on track and keeping my eyes on the road will get easier the longer I do it?
It will.
I can tell you though that having gone through a similar trauma, just reading your post made me anxious. Even though it's been a few years for me. But that just means I understand, on a very visceral level.
I chose to not work through worrying about him. I chose to reject those thoughts and force myself to think of something else. Maybe it's the same thing, but any time he came to mind, I would go "not my problem. Now, I wonder what I should put on my sandwich?"
I'm glad the visit is supervised, but I can feel in my stomach how hard it is for you to let them go even to that.
The fear dissipates over time. It really does. And I've learned... having compassion
from the outside which feels very different from the panicked responsibility I felt for him in the beginning. Now, when I hear something has gone terribly wrong for him, it's more like reading about an accident in the newspaper: I think "Oh that poor, poor man!" and then I go on with my day, if that makes sense?