Learningtofly,
Is your RAH mean when he is using? If not, maybe his question is genuine curiosity. Maybe he can't relate to being mean.
I have always blamed my A's mean streak on the alcohol. I know it can excacerbate it but I've read a lot about how it doesn't really cause it. Also,
I've certainly read posts on here about A spouses who are not mean and cruel.
On the other hand if your RAH was mean when he was using, then I would be pretty baffled by his question.
MamaKit