Hi New Here
Hi all,
I am so glad to have found this forum, though reading your wise words has given me a new perspective to everything, one that I know I need to have even though its hard.
I am in a relationship with a recovering (now) heroin & meth addict (H is DOC). I knew this when we first met, she had been in recovery for a few months, after 12 years of H use. Being a former addict (coke for about a year about 18 years ago, alcohol binger)and otherwise saddled with my own mental health issues, I thought "no problem, I can do this with her, I get it, I've been there". Well a 1.5 years later, and she just got out of the hospital after relapsing for about a month. She got a MRSA infection in her lungs/bloodstream and was in there for 6 weeks. I had no idea she had relapsed (I chalked her grumpiness and moodiness up to other things) until I found a text message in her phone the day we went to the ER. Long story short, she was lying to me about everything (obviously) for over a month, taking money from my bank account, etc etc etc. Needless to say after she was out of the woods physically from the infection, I was left shocked, sad, angry, felt a fool, and literally lost. She has been home for about a month, went back to daily outpatient, and is going to meetings again. However, two weeks after she got out, i caught her needle in hand trying to shoot meth. WTF>???? Almost dying didn't scare you?? anyway - I know, I know.
We have a very open relationship about all of this, and I have told her I am in this for the "long haul". But these last few weeks I'm really realizing what the "long haul" is....the rest of my, our, lives. Especially with H, i know it is a special beast. I have started to go to al-anon (not very many Nar-anon mtgs in my area) but am wondering everyday - can I do this?
I don't have any questions just yet but this - when/how did you all avoid the urge to snoop (checking texts, etc.) after your eyes were opened? And how to have loving distance....how can I distance myself without affecting the rest of our wonderful (when she is not in active addiction) relationship?
I know some say I should run now, but I'm not at that point yet. I'm not going to walk away. I know everyone's breaking point is different, and I haven't reached mine yet.