Seek, if at this moment you can't feel and can only "think" - I do believe that your closest avenue to your higher spirit and maybe only one - is to learn how to stop thinking. To switch off you brain. I know, I know, it takes awhile to "get" meditation. You sit there like a bump on a log and nothing happens, minutes feel like hours and the mind runs around but like any practice it gets better. It gets so good that people have been practicing meditation for thousands of years. There is a reason for that - it works.
If you can't stop the mind from thinking - well, learn to turn it off. What a concept. It's so beautiful when you can . . . there are no words. It's like encountering God directly. We expect that all we'll find is dark silence when we turn off the mind - but what we find instead is a universe of spirit that's been waiting for us.
There are many great books to help you get there. I meditate always with meditation music. It helps me go there. We each find our path. I would encourage you to try it again, I'm sure from reading your deep words you have in the past!! Start new -