I have thought about this regarding my son Lara. We have overall had a good relationship with our son; he is however a functional 28 year old with his own home, so he does not live with us and I know that makes a difference in the dynamics. But, we recently had a confrontation with him regarding his drug use, and I was concerned that just our admitting that we know, and discussing our feelings with him regarding this would make him pull away. So far it hasn’t made a negative impact and I sort of think it has made him a little more comfortable getting things out in the open.
But, we have been very careful not to judge him, not to question him about his use, or make suggestions that we feel he really needs to implement when we see him. We try to the best of our abilities to treat him normal, and show him respect, and the same level of concern we have always had. I think the moment we start trying to control his life, nag him about using cocaine, telling him about various treatments, having that look of pity and sadness on our faces; it would make him uncomfortable and we would slowly start to see him drift further away. Obviously parent / child relationship is a lot different than girlfriend /boyfriend.
Our son does not seem to want to form any emotional attachments to women right now; but yet he never seems to be alone, there is always someone new. Ive wondered if they are using with him, or if they have no idea he even is on cocaine? Or when they try to “save” him, that is when he pushes them away? In the end, I know whatever it is , he is doing it to protect himself.