Thumper

I totally understand that. I tried to detach and stay together for way way to long. I never figured out how to make that work. He thought it was great because I ignored everything he did. No nagging, no complaining, no nothing. There were no arguments. I however was getting eaten alive by resentments and was utterly exhausted in every way imaginable just trying to keep all the balls in the air. I had all sorts of stress related health issues. I was very depressed. I had no joy - which meant there were four kids with an alcoholic father and a very very tired, very very stressed, and very very unhappy mother. I was completely out of touch with my feelings. I over reacted to inappropriate things and under-reacted to important things.

I read through your old posts. I want to gently suggest that you contact a Domestic Violence hotline to explore what kinds of support would be out there if you were to decide to separate for awhile.

Based on my experience I think you'll find you can really focus on yourself and your well being if you just have a home that is all yours full of freedoms, solitude, and peace.

Personally there was some immediate relief that was very important but it took 6 months to find some kind of equilibrium and start doing any real work on my well being.