Kindeyes

I've been pretty quiet lately. Part of that is the result of a healthy disconnection.

We always talk about the process of recovery.....how it's not a destination but a journey. I'm at a point in my recovery where I feel serenely disconnected from my son and his addiction. I am able to talk with him without trying to manipulate him into getting clean. I'm able to quietly state my truth without it being antagonistic. I've been able to let go to a degree I never thought possible. But the love and compassion is there.

I am enjoying the feeling of being in the moment and staying in today. I am not steeped in fear as I have been almost my entire life. I feel good physically, mentally and spiritually most of the time. My life isn't perfect but it's quite manageable and I don't feel myself spinning off the rims like I did when caught in the midst of the addiction-codependency dance.

My relationships with the other healthy people in my life have improved. People who know and love me have commented on the changes they have witnessed and say that I am very different now.

I take good care of myself and my priorities seem to be in better balance.

But (isn't there always a but) I feel somewhat disconnected from the newcomers at our meetings and here on SR. They cause me discomfort.....a recognition of who and where I was that gives me twinges of "I don't want to feel or think like that ever again".

I assume that this is part of my process and I'm just trying to go with the flow. But I do feel this disconnection that is foreign and somewhat uncomfortable. Perhaps it is a healthy disconnection called detachment? Perhaps this is the serenity that people talk about? Perhaps time is the answer, as it usually is.....I'll grow more comfortable being able to stand back as an observer rather than a participant in the lives that move around me and simply love without becoming enmeshed or judging.

Today is a good day.

gentle hugs
ke