Liz, I think you will know you have accepted the fact that he is an actively drinking alcoholic that you can't control---when you are willing to turn your attention from him and place it FULL FORCE on your own recovery. FULL TIME, H***-bent ahead, and not just dabbling.
When the acoholic committs to recovery, they place it as top priority and dive into the process. Like the old "90 meetings in 90 days", etc. It is not uncommon to see some in 2-3 meetings a day, in the beginning. Recovery from co-dependency is not unlike the alcoholic recovering from their drug of choice.
dandylion