lizziegirl

Good Morning,
Well since my ABF relapsed 3 months ago he is spiralling downward. He goes to the bar every morning for 4 or 5 hours comes home, eats, naps and goes back to the bar for the evening for another 5 or 6 hours. I don't know if it makes me an enabler but I do drive him and pick him up mainly because of course I don't want him driving drunk. I do not give him money (been there the last time he was doing this about a year ago). He was sober for about 9 months till he relapsed. My worry now is I know he is just about out of money. He told me last night he has about 90$ in his checking account. He has a part time job only 2 days a week and he does go to work but it doesn't pay much. He lost his other job due to drinking and not being able to get up in the morning to make it. I know he is going to start asking me for money and I am not going to give him any and just don't know how I will deal with that fight. The last time he was drinking like this I gave and gave till I was broke and I can't do that again. Since he started drinking again he is verbally mean. We fight almost every night. I try really hard not to react and not fight but sometimes I just loose it and fight back even though I know it will not help. He tells me daily that he is through with me. He starts in with well you left me before, you will do it again. And he loves to bring up the past and of course everything is always my fault....our breakup, me kicking him out of the house, and he is convinced I was sleeping with other men. Tells me everyone at the bar can't believe HE took me back after all the things I did. Of course I know deep down that Alcoholics will stick together and what hurts is he believes them over me. Today is his birthday and he got up at 5:30 am and left for the bar....took the car while I was still sleeping. He woke me up and just said I am leaving be back later. I didn't have time to get up and stop him from driving. He is usually the one who says will you give me a ride because he doesn't want to drive drunk. So now I sit here and worry knowing he is going to have to drive home. And I know even though I planned a special dinner and I bought him a gift and so did my 15 and 17 year old and my daughter made him a cake that he won't be here. I am trying to just get it in my head he won't be here for dinner don't be dissappointed, don't get upset, don't fight just accept it and don't cry so tired of crying everyday. But how do I do that, not get upset that he would rather be with his "buddies" then with me? Thanks for letting me vent a little this morning!