Hi clight. I, too, am sorry for what you're going through. I want to repeat what the others said - that drinking just makes us more frustrated and unable to cope with problems. I believed it was the answer for me, and for many years I kept getting numb to deal with things. It only made my situation much harder -even impossible - to manage.
Glad you came back to talk about this. Please keep posting, and do try the other links Dee mentioned.