Originally Posted by
Titanic 
I don't think self-centerdness or selfishness equates with Narcissism or NPD.
What do you think?
Oh, I absolutely believe Narcissism and NPD = self-centeredness and selfishness. That's what makes a Narcissist narcissistic. But no, you're right, just because someone is self-centered or selfish does not mean they are a Narcissist or have NPD.
I also believe that all alcoholics and addicts are narcissistic, but don't necessarily have NPD.
I do agree with you that not all Narcissists are alcoholic or addicted.
Sandy Hotchkiss, the author of this book I'm reading goes into great detail about how a person develops NPD, from childhood onward. She explains that the people with actual NPD have the selfishness and self-centeredness of a toddler. She explains that they do not even KNOW they are being selfish or self-centered, and are completely oblivious to how their actions affect other people. This explains to me why and how AXBF, and so many others people describe here on SR, could continually and brutally act in his own self-interest without regard to me, my life, my needs, or my feelings, from the very beginning. This is a grown man, nearly 50 years old, who lived in my home for years, and acted like and said we were building a home and a family, whose stated intentions were that we were going to grow old together and take care of eachother, all the way up until the moment he walked out on me with no warning or true explanation (he had MANY excuses but could give no valid reason). This book and my new understanding of narcissism explains to me how he can be so very hurtful and destructive but then can turn around and call me on the phone acting like NOTHING has happened, wanting to be "friends," joyful and carefree, smiling and happy, while I sit here dumbfounded and in shock, crying all day every day for months; my life, my heart, and my soul completely destroyed ... and he doesn't even blink an eye. It's business and life as usual for him, and I'm left here to pick up the pieces.
If THAT's not Narcissism, I don't know what is. Scary thing is, I believe there are many more people like this out there than there are people NOT like this. And I seem to attract them like a ten-ton magnet.