Weasel1966

I have always had faith I guess. Never considered what it would be like to not have it. As an addict I see people all the time asking god or their higher power to lift the addiction or cravings from them.

I never asked that addiction be lifted. I have always prayed focused on giving me the knowledge to understand it. For my heart to be healed so drinking or drugging was not something I needed or wanted. The fact I am writing this is proof that what I need is being provided.

I have found that seeking an answer to a prayer is not a bolt of lightning. It's acceptance that what I asked for will be provided. In its right measure.

There are many times in my life where things could have gone terribly wrong. When drunk or high I made many stupid choices that could have lead to real tragedy. Looking back I wonder why I was being protected again and again. I don't consider myself special but I certainly was taken care of by something greater than myself.

Is being an addict gods plan for my life? It comes down to free will. That's what he gave us. These have been my choices and not anything predestined. I am an addict.

I cannot even type that and not cringe. I am an addict. Guess that's why in AA they start sharing with that sentence. Hi, my name is Ken and I am an alcoholic and addict. It liberating to admit and confining to experience.

I have faith. It comforts me that I will understand myself enough to help myself. Actions and reactions will build me up and not tear me down.

To even consider that I am worth something in that my higher power should lend a hand is confusing to me. There in lies the essence of my addiction.

It's in myself that the addict has no faith.