About a month ago, someone posted the name of a riveting book about narcissism that was an absolute eye-opener for me. If you weren't on the forum at that time, it is: The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists. I don't remember the author, but you can get it on Amazon. I should have ordered an under-liner pen with it; it was as if the author had lived in my house, perhaps in my soul.
I felt so much better knowing that someone could write a whole book about this, and it wasn't just me in my lonely house.
There is another new book called Almost A Psychopath that was written by a Harvard psychiatrist and a criminal attorney based on research and observation at McClean Hospital, Harvard's psychiatric hospital. Its thesis is that there is a class of people whose personality and character disorder are so severe that they are way beyond normal personality disorders, but not quite to the level of a psychopath. It fits so many of the A descriptions I read on this forum. It also was very freeing to me to read.
I agree with L2L and other posters. It has been profoundly important to me to figure out what I caused with my own behavior, and what I endured because of my A's behavior.
It's like the shoreline and the sea - the line where they meet is definite, but ever shifting. I need to know where my OWN line is in order to stop reacting. When I can't figure that out, I am at a loss for understanding what actions I can take, and then I just drift with the tide. That, I think, is where we all suffer.
BothSidesNow