Hello and welcome to SR
Thing is after I have been 2 or 3 days without a drink my mind or a little voice inside me convinces me to have a drink even when I dont actually feel like one. Once I have my first drink there is no turning back.
When I feel low I just want to drink, i want to feel numb. Drinking helps me escape for a while.
These 2 things sound exactly like I was six months ago. I would have one glass, thinking that would be all, and then continue to drink until I passed out. I used to drink to escape, too... it stopped me thinking about all my troubles in life and meant that I could 'relax' and 'enjoy myself'.
What do i tackle first the depression or alcohol?
This was such a big question for me, too. I thought that if I wasn't so depressed, I wouldn't drink so much and I'd be OK. The problem, I thought, was that I wasn't happy in life but if I was, I wouldn't drink so much. But I was totally wrong... I drank because it made me forget about my depression, sure, but alcohol made me more depressed the next day, and because I couldn't cope with my life without a few drinks, I was really just adding to everything. I quit five months ago and I've never been happier. I would say that without a doubt, giving up alcohol lifted my depression. Not being a drunk any more put that sense of pride back into myself - I was able to look at myself in a mirror and be happy with what I saw, I didn't have to beat myself up any longer for drunken mistakes.
I promise you, that if you give up alcohol, your depression will get SO much better, if not disappear completely.
I hope you stick around - there's lots of encouragement and support here.