whatsgoingon

Hi,

Not really sure why I am here to be honest. I am confused about my mind and my drinking. I suffer with depression and have done since I was a teenager. Certain things trigger my moods such people being overly critical of me or people with negative attitudes. I tend to be happy and positive when I'm in the right environments and consequently when in I'm a stressful or negative situation I feel very low.

I drink as well. I doubt my problem is anywhere near as bad as some of the people who are suffering on this forum. That said, to me its a problem and I guess regardless of how much we all drink each persons situation is different and all cases are non the less important.

I don't drink everyday, I might have a couple of days in the week when I'm sober. Thing is after I have been 2 or 3 days without a drink my mind or a little voice inside me convinces me to have a drink even when I dont actually feel like one. Once I have my first drink there is no turning back. I dont actually get drunk every time i drink, but i certainly drink more than I should just to feel a little light headed. My wife does not drink much and although she does not mind me having a drink although she does not condone heavy drinking. As she is not a big drinker it makes me feel uncomfortable drinking in front of her and this is where part of the problem is. I have started being very clever with my drinking such as always buying the same brand so its not so noticeable when i buy more. I also subtly hide alcohol such as in the kitchen cupboards and in the back of drinks cabinet. I sneak the empties out so she cant keep track of how much im drinking and I also slip booze into the house when she is not there to replenish my stock.

Drinking and depression are bad combination as i feel they both feed off each other. I really need to knock the drinking on the head but its hard, sometimes I just have to have a drink despite knowing what i am doing is wrong. When I feel low I just want to drink, i want to feel numb. Drinking helps me escape for a while.

What do i tackle first the depression or alcohol? Totally scared about what to do next. Im not ready to admit to anyone that i have depression or a drink issue. I keep kidding myself that i can sort this stuff out on my own. My life in general is good. I'm happily married and have two great kids. I have a nice house and I run my own business. The business is very stressful and definitely contributes to both problems. I need to learn how to keep on top of things and I how to be positive. If I could just sort myself out my future could be really fantastic.

Thanks,


Sneeker