Oh, and last night while on the phone(AH is out of town) he says, "We just need to find a way to better communicate with each other. That guy didn't give us any tools for even trying to talk to each other." I kept my mouth shut and just agreed. What I really wanted to say is "There can't be open and honest communication until I begin to trust you. Until I see changes in your personality that reflect growth and until you stop blaming me and bringing up crap from the past, etc. We don't communicate well because I don't trust you with your words nor do I feel ready to open up to you when I am still licking my wounds from your verbal onslaughts. The ego and self-centered narcissistic attitudes have to go, too, because it gets in the way of us becoming emotionally intimate."
So, why don't you say what you want to say?
To me, you each need to seek out your own therapy, if you each get healthy perhaps a marriage counselor would then be of some help. Right now, I just don't see joint therapy being of any help whatsoever.
Just my two cents, I could be way off track.