Welcome to the SR family!
You have found a wonderful resource of information and support. I hope you will make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed. We understand.
I don't know if your feelings will change as he recovers. They are your feelings. They are not wrong, ugly or mean, they are how you currently feel. I know you have been through a lot with this man. You may have reached your bottom on how much you are willing to live with. That is okay too.
I think we as partners of addicted loved ones can reach a personal bottom. Sometimes our bottom arrives before theirs does.
I'm glad you have a counselor to share your feelings with. Have you considered attending Alanon or Naranon meetings for face-to-face support?
Alanon meetings have helped me keep my focus on myself. This has allowed me to be a healthier ME so that I can make good decisions for myself and my children.
Have you talked with a lawyer about what your rights are as a spouse of an addict? You mentioned that you stay because he is a good provider. He may still be a good provider, but with a different address if you choose to exercise your right to remove yourself and your children from the front row of his addiction drama. A few free consultations with lawyers will let you know what your rights are according to the laws of your state.
Keep reaching out!