WWG it may take some relapses for you to get to the place where you're ready to stop. You may get sick of feeling ashamed, and tired, and having headaches and decide it felt better when you didn't drink and make new choices. It's easier to say no when you feel like you're making a choice that you want. If you're focused on "never again" it's not what you want and it's overwhelming. There are so many feelings tied up in drinking issues. Sometimes it's easier to just pick the very basic "I want to feel and look better so I'm choosing not to drink" to start with, rather than analyzing it to death and beating yourself up. You can do it!!