http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ad.php?t=41679
I posted the above link late last night. It is a pretty long posting, but I think you have to read it to understand what I am about to say.
I keep thinking about the things he said to me on the phone, and one just keeps playing over and over again in my mind and that is he can't forgive me for the things I have done to him in the past.
We have been married for 16 years and I have not been the perfect wife, I admit that. Up until 4 years ago, I was drinking and doing some drugs myself. Was I an addict? I don't know. I guess it depends on who you ask. I think I did it more to fit in, relate, have "fun" (or what I thought fun was at the time), but it wasn't for me and I stopped, NEVER was an issue nor did I ever think about it again.
My husband has been in and out of prison. Each time he was sent away or when he would be out and start using to the point he was gone for days, I would seek out someone that could replace him for the time he was gone. Most of the time, they were close friends of his. They always seemed to be around when they knew he was locked up. I still visited him and sent him money, accepted his calls, but I didn't tell him what I was doing. He always found out though.
I tried to stop cheating on him, but out of lonliness, I would go out with my girlfriends and start drinking and then my inhibitions were lowered and I would find myself doing it again. I felt so guilty afterwards.
There were a couple of them that I actually started a life with, but still, my intentions were when my husband came home, I would be with him. I know it sounds sick.
Anyway, when he got out this last time after doing 4 years, I knew I had to stop doing these things and get a better group of friends. I changed my life. I grew up and stopped partying with my girlfriends and having these flings.
Well, he has this hang up that he can't forgive me for what I have done to him. He says he has tried and he just can't.
Why can't he let go? Why does he allow people (brother, friends, etc.) to remind him? Also, who is he to talk? I have forgiven him for cheating and much more worse things that he has done to me and our kids. I don't look back in the past.
I feel like everytime he messes up, I have to reset my emotions and life. Don't let me say "what you use to do" to him. That would only cause an arguement.