It took me a very long time to understand WHY, even though I didn't want to drink and had every intention of staying sober, I drank any way. I was recommended AVRT (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique) and began to understand that thoughts related to drinking came from my addiction and not from the real me, and I had total power over my actions and didn't have to act on anything that I didn't truly want to. It teaches you that cravings and urges do not have to be fought with, merely recognised and let go.
I'm not saying that this will be right for you and I'm definitely not implying that you shouldn't go to AA (you should try everything until you find what fits for you) but why don't you give it a go? If you search AVRT Crash Course on Google, you'll be able to read of the basics and it really does help - I found it revolutionary.
You CAN do this, Audrey. Believe in yourself!
You may want to consider seeing a doctor for detox - sometimes it can be tough.
Welcome to SR. Post here as much as you like. We're all here for you if you need us.
Best wishes x