Originally Posted by
becky1982 
This is the weirdest situation, I've filed for divorce and AH was sad/angry/accusing me of having an affair, he even made a vague suicide threat, all more of the same bs. Then he switched gears, wanted to listen to me for the first time in a long time, admits to lying, being critical, feeling entitled, admits to needing to be better to my older daughter (age 8). He is saying things i thought I'd never hear, saying he is going to go to aa and church, counseling, and a men's addiction group I suggested. He says he will move out and work on changing everything and he is terribly sorry and he hopes he will show me that everything will be better and that I cancel the divorce. I'm feeling all this hope and validation, but also this other feeling, disappointment? I had made new dreams, dreams of being alone, free, maybe meeting someone else? Someone I'm more compatible with. What's happening to me? What if he changes and I still don't want to be with him? I feel like a terrible person, perhaps hes right, I will never be happy and satisfied! I also keep reminding myself that these are just words! Watch actions! But seriously I've never been more confused.
I'm so glad you posted this today, I was going to post but am being helped by everyone's responses to you.
Becky, I almost could have wrote this word for word except my AH is 3 months into his big "change". He called me yesterday sobbing and begging for another chance, promising that he is a "new man" and he loves me and is so sorry for how he has treated me. Be careful, remember I just saw this man a week ago and he was still pulling manipulative tricks, though improved and clean, he was still himself. Core personality and lifelong behaviors don't change overnight. I too felt disappointment at the thought of going back to him, I have made new dreams, my life is comfortable and peaceful now. The kids and I have settled into a routine and our new home. I too wonder if one day i will find someone more compatible, AH wears me out because he is so hyper but is understimulating intellectually. In fact 3 months ago I was exactly where you are when AH was three days clean, calling me and making big promises of church and counseling. I almost moved out to him with my kids, but subconsciously I knew that I was in for more of the same. I just wanted to be free, I don't believe in huge personality overhauls. If you are like me, you made his life comfortable, I can't speak for your AH but I think mine just wants that back. It's up to you to decide what you want?