Now that I am down the road in recovery, I look back and see why I made it this time - so far
1) My spouse was an alcoholic for years and this was part of the emotional pain I lived with that prompted my continued use of opiates. He quit drinking 5 years ago. I felt even more guilty continuing my addiction in secret when he had conquered his.
2) One day I sat down and really added up the cost in dollars and cents. This is an eye opening exercise. I had bought on-line for about the last 5 yrs of using and paid a large price (not to mention a possible legal one if I had been caught importing from overseas).
3) My on-line sources dried up as increased regulation and security measures came into play. I was never one to buy pills from the street or people - all of mine was either legit, codeine/cough syrup I signed for for many years until that stopped, and then on-line pills (mainly codeine and soma). It was almost like God intervened a step at the time cutting off my sources, as last move was when Soma became a controlled substance.
4) My faith. I returned to the church in late 2008. Stopped for 3 months in early 2010 and at last made it when I stopped for good 12/19/2010.
5) This website - Sober Recovery. God definitely led me here. I am not even sure now how I found it, but the people here with their stories have been a life saver.
I still struggle, but I try to focus on my blessings. I am very lucky to have a home almost paid for, a 30 year old child who gives me no trouble or really never has, a now sober husband, a good job, and loving friends and family. I never used drugs as a young person, just got hooked due a physical problem and loved the way the pills took away the emotional pain, gave me a lift during those years I was trying to "do it all". You ladies know what I mean.
Lastly, I cannot be around the pills as they are still temptation.
Keep up the good fight and remember the right road of life is narrow. Give yourself praise for every day of success. Love yourself and keep posting on SR!